Out In The Cold – Why Church Shopping is So Difficult
I need a new jacket. It’s freezing outside and I am shivering. So I head out to Urban Outfitters to see if I can find a good one. I walk into the store. Scene kids and style demagogues abound. I find the men’s section and begin to try on the jackets. I ask myself, Which one defines me? Which one will fit me like a glove? Which one will send the message to the world I am looking for about myself? I move from jacket to jacket, but none seem to fit quite right. Should I settle for one that does not define me perfectly, one that does not enhance my persona in direct proportion to my dollars spent?
Then, a familiar voice interrupts my search.
“Hey man, long time, no see!” the voice says to me.
It’s a friend from my former church, one I haven’t seen in nearly a decade. This is the same church I left when a majority of the leadership fell into various forms of scandal.
“Hey man! What’s up?” I exclaim. I am genuinely excited to see this long-lost face.
“What have you been up to lately?” He asks me.
“Lots of travel, writing, music, etc. The usual. You?”
“Working, spending time with family.”
“Great man, it’s so good to see you. Have you been going to church?”
“You know, I have really had a hard time finding one that fits me. I was going to Blahblahwhatshisface’s church for awhile but the pastor kind of bored me. And the worship director got fired for some shady activity. The new worship is kind of lame, now. I don’t know. I try to get plugged into places but it just doesn’t ever feel quite right to me. Do you know what I mean?”
“I definitely know what you mean…” I respond.
We say our goodbyes, and I go back to shopping for the jacket that will define me completely as a 21st century human male, pondering the conversation I just had. But I don’t find the perfect jacket, and I end up shivering outside on the walk back to my car.
I can’t help noticing the parallels between my search for a jacket and my never-ending, frustrating hunt for a church which will meet my spiritual needs; I usually end up feeling left out in the cold.
I can’t tell you how many times I speak with people who say they cannot find a place of fellowship, or say that they just left their old congregation for one reason or another, or say they are fed up with not being able “plug in” somewhere. And as the disappointments mount so does our disillusionment….
I left the church I was attending because the I didn’t like the pastor’s teaching style.
I left the church because the worship was lame.
I left the church because I couldn’t connect with people.
Still others hop and jump, trying on a different sanctuary every single week, only to find that each and every one is, sadly, far from what they are looking for. The numbers are staggering–thousands and thousands of believers in evangelical culture without a place they can call home, admitting that most weeks they would rather stay home for NFL football than attend a service that is…less than inspiring. But no matter the individual reason, at the core of our qualms with local churches is the same basic concern: we cannot seem to find a place that meets our individual “needs.” We cannot seem to find a place that offers genuine relationships with true brothers and sisters, while offering solid teaching, worship, and a children’s ministry.
Why is it so hard to find a home? Why do churches so often let us down?
There are answers to these questions, my friend. And I promise you the “right church for you” is right around the corner. It just isn’t going to look the way you think it will…
To better understand our difficulty in connecting with a particular congregation, we have to first understand the identity problems that the church, as a whole, is facing today (and by the church “as a whole” I mean the body of believers spread throughout the world, and in particular, western culture). And by identity crisis I mean this: There is more division between individual churches in the same denomination than perhaps any other point in history. Why?
Competition.
Fail to compete, and completely fail.
It’s simple capitalism, and it is the basis for our very existence in America. Supply and demand. A citizenry of purchasers and entrepreneurs and consumable goods is what dominates our lives in this country. We are consumers first, believers second. At least, that is the trend in general culture, along with christian culture as well. We lead lives that are fully customizable, from our twelve-pump, nonfat, no-foam, single-shot of sugar-free caramel lattes to our I-pod/DVD enhanced, four-screened, anti-lock braked, automated lumbar control, Saturn, Scion SUVs. We click a button and music plays, movies play, groceries are delivered to our doors. Church is too much like…work. And the thought of having to settle for one that doesn’t completely “fit” us? Ridiculous.
Stick with me here. There’s more.
So, as churches compete for the allegiance of an attention-deficited culture, we become programmed to treat fellowship like every other part of their lives: as fully customizable. And plainly put, most evangelical churches are about attracting people above all else. This means in order to be successful they have to be attractive. And they function more like a big business machine than an organic family. And the “successful” churches have gotten it down to a science: Here’s how:
1. Have a celebrity pastor who steers the ship. He must be a charismatic figure, yet possess the every-man quality. He must be a great speaker who entertains as well as he teaches. Me must be adept at the skill of storytelling, and must have some comedic skills. He must embody the face of a hero in some form.
2. Big-production, with contemporary, classic-rock influenced worship. This should also include a charismatic “frontman” for the band. If attendees do not desire to take part in worship, they can at least absorb some quality entertainment.
3. Catchy marketing, slogans, signs, decoration, and logos are a must! This includes everything from the decor in the lobby to the graphics on the bulletin.
4. The occasional Christian celebrity author/musician as a guest performer should become a monthly staple. This will attract “newcomers,” which are really just believers who might have gone somewhere else to church that Sunday.
5. A ministry for every demographic. Men’s group. Singles. Women’s group. College. High School. Junior high. Elementary. Pre-school. Bikers. Jocks. Dweebs. Burnouts. Cheerleaders. Or am I talking about the movie The Breakfast Club?
6. A youth program complete with a youth room that has fifteen thousand TV monitors and thirty-eight XBOX 360s, and a sound system that would raise Elvis. Must have a catchy name for the group like “The Happening” (yes, based on the movie!) or “The Haven” or “The Underground” (oooh…subversive!).
7. Varied services for individual taste. We have the rock worship service. We have traditional worship night. We have screamo worship Saturdays. We have no worship Thursdays. We have in-depth study
10 A.M. in the parking lot. We have the short message service for those with Restless Leg Syndrome. And don’t forget the 20-minute workout service, where everything just plays on a screen at double-speed. Twice the spiritual workout in half the time!
8. Hype your own church as the “place to be.” Subtly point out through media, announcements, and other outlets of communication that although people had many choices for church that Sunday they chose the “best” one. Make sure to hype your church as being on the forefront of Christian activity in your area.
And on and on and on. Why not just have a long list of check boxes on a computer screen for every person that walks through the door on Sunday, where every person fills out a survey, then the computer spits out a list of recommended activities, services, etc. Or maybe can just gives you a page that says in black block letters “YOU JUST WON’T FIT HERE, TRY THE CHURCH UP THE STREET.”
Now, I keed, I keed. But only a little. I know none of these “attraction elements” are inherently wrong in and of themselves, and most of them are inherently right for the most part. But I can’t help feeling the irony in the fact that as evangelical culture tries harder and harder to meet the individual needs of every consumer/believer possible, that most of us feel less and less like we are attending the gathering of the body of believers and more that we are attending a movie or a broadway show or a concert–perhaps all three rolled into one. Instead of bringing us together as a body, it feels like we are being pulled apart. We show up, put in our time, and leave with a seven-point list of things God wants to do for us this week. Then we drive home and forget about the whole thing. Or post it on the fridge. Or leave it in a heap of papers to gain dust. And though there are so many great people at church it is so difficult amidst all this to actually just make friends and develop real relationships.
All we really want is to have true connection with a group of believers. True fellowship. That is the purpose of church.
Now, I have a question or two of my own here:
What if the way to for a church to “meet our needs” was to go against the cultural trends of consumerism and competition?
What if we, as young churchgoers, are shopping, looking for all the wrong things for all the wrong reasons?
These are questions that are being asked not only by people like you and I, but prominent voices in the church as well. I was able to catch up with Mike Erre, speaking pastor of Rock Harbor Church in Costa Mesa, CA, and Ken Baugh, head pastor of Coast Hills Church in Aliso Viejo, CA recently. Both teach to a congregation numbering in the multi-thousands, whose demographics include a large percentage of young adults. Erre states the following regarding these issues:
“We have reduced the church to one, hour-and-a-half event per week; we have reduced the gospel to cater to felt needs and personal preferences; and we have reduced discipleship to optional private spiritual exercises…We are raised with so many options we are paralyzed by the possibility of something better…God/church simply gets added to the list of things we consume…the problem is that much of the ‘attractional’ church has fostered this understanding by catering to it…”
It’s comforting to know that some in places of higher leadership are acknowledging that these are big problems for each of us; without connection to a body, a group of communal support, our faith will be choked-off. The Christian faith is not a faith built for an isolated, loosely-connected network of introverts. We HAVE to be plugged in or we will die spiritually. So, talk of the acknowledgment of the dilemma is one thing. What is the church willing to do about it? Baugh has an interesting answer:
“I think that Sr. Leadership needs to continually make sure that young adults are allowed significant roles of responsibilities in the church. It’s interesting to me that in the United States military you will find young men and women put in charge of brigades and multimillion dollar equipment, yet rarely in our churches will you find them even allowed to do much more than help out with students or children ministries. I don’t think that young adults should serve as Elders because elders are called elders for a reason (they are old) but I do think we need to give them more and more responsibilities in key areas of decision-making and ministry.”
There is little doubt that by keeping young people on the sidelines and reducing them to observers of the spectacle that is a church entertainment service will do little to foster lasting, passionate disciples. Christ was not a teacher of the masses first and foremost. He was a healer and a disciple-maker, and a person who connected twelve individuals who became best friends. It is the church’s responsibility not only to teach, but to empower us to use our gifts–and provide the opportunities to do so as well.
But finding those opportunities–which are everywhere if we’ll look–is a responsibility that falls on us as individuals.
Baugh had this to say as well:
“I think the whole mindset of finding a church to ‘meet my needs’ is flawed. As believers, we are to be part of a local body of Christ to serve, fellowship, grow, and give to the ongoing work of the Great Commission. I think the question should be: ‘Where can I best become involved in a Bible teaching church where I can use my gifts and become part of a community that loves God and serves others?’”
Evangelical churches must understand that making the church relevant through trying to “meet people where they are” is a valid philosophy to attract numbers. But, it is a flawed approach when numbers become the end in and of itself. Relationships should take precedence over the spectacle. And Christians should not be viewed as marketing targets who are to be stolen from other congregations. And finally, churches must stop viewing other ministries as rivals. In short, tone down the bright lights, and turn up the message. Do anything and everything to put emphasis on community, rather than entertainment, rather than your particular church.
But we as individual “church shoppers” must realize there are problems with every single church. Let me repeat that: there are problems with every single church. There are lame people in every one. There is gossip in every one. There are weird, awkward people in every one. Pastors are going to screw up, the music might suck, and the greeter at the door might turn her nose up at you when you enter. When these things happen, remember that none of those things matter. Do not be distracted by these things. People are always going to be flawed. That’s why they need Christ. And you know what? You are there to bring more of Him to that place. You are there to give of yourself, to humble yourself, to make relationships with people you might not normally associate with for the sake of something greater than you.
Offer to apply for leadership. Offer to help with a mission trip. Go feed homeless people. If you go with intent to give of yourself in any and every way possible, I promise the sucky worship leader or the yawner sermons will not matter.
If we walk actively and raise our voices, we will connect. If we sit passively, expecting to be catered to, we will be left in the cold.
March 12, 2010 · Other, Spiritual Living · 10 Comments