What makes you more frustrated than anything else?
Is it injustice? Ignorance? Ke$ha?
While you think about it, I would like to tell you about something that happened to me recently that left me pretty upset.
The scene was set in Los Angeles. It was my wfie’s brithday, and we were visiting the Griffith Park Observatory. I have many fond memories of the GPO from my childhood, but I had not visited it for many years. And this was my wife’s first visit. So, needless to say, we were both excited to spend the evening there, going to planetarium shows, learning interesting factoids about heavenly bodies, and enjoying the view–the greatest view in southern California, I might add.
The only problem is that we planned our trip on a Sunday. And, to our dismay, we discovered the entire population of the western hemisphere likes to visit that place on Sundays in late August. And there are exactly nine spots TOTAL in the GPO parking lot. The rest is street parking down a windy, long, steep road. On that day, the line of parked cars extended nearly a mile down the hill.
A few things about me: I don’t like walking up hills if I don’t have to. And I like parking as close as possible, whenever possible. So, I decided to take my chances with the lot. Immediately, I caught sight of a car with its reverse lights on. I raced to position and set my blinker, only to find I was too late. This happened at least forty-seven times over the next twenty minutes. Several times I even got brutally snaked by other drivers. My wife and I were soon at the ends of ourselves, fuming, contemplating giving up and going home.
But then the shrouded heavens parted and the spirit of a dove descended from the clouds. It fluttered to a tiny, empty parking spot between two cars on the curb leading into the observatory grounds. A catholic monk choir began echoing hymns all around us, and a beam of sunlight illuminated this small expanse of curb. Then, my name was spelled by butterflies hovering above this sacred, holy spot. It was as if God himself had written my name on this parking place before the foundations of the earth…
Suddenly, all was well inside the Schwabmobile. My wife and I cackled and howled with glee as I hit the gas, burned out, and floored it–quarter-mile dragster style–to the parking place. Bad mood? What bad mood? We had found victory!
After 937 moves forward and reverse, I successfully parrallel parked in the tiny spot. We grabbed our things and headed off to fun…planetary orbits and moon craters and mars rovers and wormholes. But as we began walking a teeny, tiny voice said something, barely audible, in my head:
Are you sure you want to leave your car on that red curb?
Yeah, ok, so the curb was red. And red curbs usually mean its illegal to park, no matter what. But there was a sign posted that said “No parking weekdays 8-5 P.M.” It was Sunday, which meant that I was in the clear. Besides, like I said, there was a line of cars parked against the red curb that stretched to the horizon. So, I thought to myself, there is no way a cop is going to ticket everyone. And there is no way all these people are wrong.
I thought it was impossible to get a ticket. I would have bet my life savings, my firstborn, and my wife’s spleen on it.
So, we made our way to the observatory and had a blast, not giving the parking siutation a second thought. And when we were finished we left satisfied, feeling like our day had been spent creating indelible memories. As we walked back to the car, peace like a river flowed through our beings–so much so that I was completely unprepared for what was about to take place. I was like a calm cow, grazing peacefully on top of train tracks, unaware of the approaching train engine in the distance.
But there it was–bright enough to see, even in the moonlight:
An $82.00 parking ticket from the city of Los Angeles.
Now, truth be told, I am a pretty patient guy. I don’t really have a strong temper, and I rarely even raise my voice in frustration. With that in mind, trust me when I say that there, in that moment, I would have given anything to have a few, heated words with the public servant who had placed that abomination under my wiper blade. Better yet, the people who recently decided to triple parking ticket fees in my home state. I snatched the ticket in my hand and contemplated tearing it up, but then, my conscience kicked in: C’mon, Schwab, remember who you are and who you claim to be. Control yourself…
For much of the ride home there was a battle taking place inside of me. On one hand, I felt completely justified in being angry. After all, that ticket was such a scam on so many levels. But on the other hand there was this lingering question: Is it wrong for me, as a person of faith, to feel angry when there is a good reason to?
I have heard many Christians over the years say the answer is, absolutely, 100%, no. And I know many that believe simply having frustrated emotions is a sinful act. Is this realistic, though? Does God really expect us to be emotionally vacant and stoic? What does the Bible say about it?
After doing a bit of study, I noticed that God is far from silent about his feelings about anger. My first conclusion was the most obvious one: acting out in violence, rage, or retribution in response to anger is nearly always wrong and only justifiable in scipture in extreme circumstances. Then, as I looked a little deeper, I started getting some answers to my specific question, which relates to the emotion of anger. Here is what I learned:
We are to be patient in every circumstance. We are to look inwardly and take responsibility for our emotions when they come. We are to always be in control of our reactions. I found no real exceptions to the above, save cases of purely righteous indignation, which is a rarity. These are all points about anger that most of us are familiar with.
But one thing I discovered which actually surprised me was this: God seems to anticipate that we will all get angry. In other words, it’s not the emotion of anger hat God warns us against, but how we respond to the emotion that matters. He knows that we will get upset along the way, and he doesn’t expect us to shut off our feelings. But he also assumes each and every one of us has the capacity to control ourselves in any and all situations.
Case in point: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires (James 1:19-20)
It’s not angry emotion that is wrong, but reactions to angry emotion. If you have been injured by someone else, friend, foe, or otherwise, it is not your responsibility to silence your feelings. As Christians, God does not expect us to be emotional rocks. However, it is our responsibilities to both control our reactions and resolve the situation with patience. If you are in the moment, no matter how much you feel justified in your temper flares, you have no right to explode. What God requires is for us to channel our frustrations properly.
For example, while the harbingers of death at the state of California got my $82.00, their eternally condemnable parking laws have inspired this blog.
Finally, I have discovered an exercise that works well if you are becoming frustrated. If you feel your judgment is clouding when strong emotions come over you, you must first walk it off. Get away from people for ten or fifteen minutes. Do not try to resolve the situation while your feelings are flared.
Then, as you are in solitude, pray that God meets you inside your anger. This takes discipline, but it works. When you are calm again, speak openly and honestly to the other individual involved, emphasizing how their actions or the circumstance made you feel without attacking back. In response, their defenses shoud lower as well, if they are reasonable. If they do not, state your case and move on, knowing you did your best. But before you do, make sure you listen patiently, as well. Handling yourself in this way displays the type of character that is expected of each of us as believers…
If you are upset not at a tangible person, but a situation, circumstance, entity, organization, clothing brand, or Ke$ha, your interaction may change while the principles stay the same.
It’s not wrong to get mad. Just don’t react while you are.
Some scriptues for additional study:
In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold (Ephesians 4:26).
Man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires (James 1:20).
An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins (Proverbs 29:22).
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions (Galatians 5:19-20).
But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips (Colossians 3:8).
November 30, 2010 · Other · 8 Comments
