Andrew Schwab is a notable author, journalist and lead vocalist for the rock band Project 86. He has written for magazine publications including: Relevant, AP, CCM and HM. He is a published author with 4 available books, including his latest FAME IS INFAMY, available now on the store button above!
Ah, the holidays. Sinatra sang, It’s the most wonderful time of the year. And for many, it is. It is a time to reflect with joy, to give gifts with cheer, and to celebrate with family and friends,
For others, however, the holidays can serve as a glaring reminder of the dysfunction in our lives. In the place of glad tidings, some of us find ourselves ensnared by bouts of depression and hopelessness, which in certain cases has been made worse by the current economic landscape. For a growing number, this season can inflame an increasingly common issue in our culture: addiction.
It is a problem which has reached epic proportions. Everywhere we turn, someone is battling a deadly habit. Addiction has infiltrated all aspects of culture, from the media and music to sports, from Mel Gibson to Tiger Woods. Television shows like Intervention and Celebrity Rehab have become popular fare. And for every Robert Downey, Jr. there is an Amy Winehouse, a Michael Jackson, or a Kurt Cobain.
Addiction is not just a problem for the famous, however. There are over seven million drug and alcohol addicts in the US at present, according to the US Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. And recently, the medical establishment has expanded the term “addict” to include any compulsive behavior—not just substance abuse. Culture as a whole has embraced this expanded definition as well. This means that individuals can be labeled addicts if they overindulge in sex, if they drink too much coffee, or even if they play too much XBOX.
We are a society which has become defined by our vices, and by the term “addiction” itself.
The problem has even infiltrated the walls of the church. As a professional musician, author, and speaker who has traversed Christian culture extensively, I have encountered hundreds of “believing addicts.” The leading Christian addiction recovery program—Celebrate Recovery-boasts nearly a million members. With numbers such as these, it is obvious that evangelicals are following the trends of the secular mainstream.
Subsequently, there are millions in treatment and recovery programs. The walls of AA, NA and Celebrate Recovery are bursting with those desperately fighting to end the cycle. Steps are worked and meetings are attended, yet relapse abounds. And here is a staggering fact: Most recovery programs have a success rate of less than twenty-five percent.
Having witnessed so many caught in the cycle of attempted recovery and tragic relapse, I can’t help but wonder if our culture-and more specifically the church-is missing something important in all of this.
Is addiction a disease that afflicts certain unlucky people, or is it a symptom of something greater that occurs in every human soul? And should the goal of recovery be to simply eliminate destructive habits, or should the end be something deeper?
Jesus taught that humans are born incomplete, with an emptiness that is a consequence of living in a world that is imperfect, painful, and sinful. Therefore life, for each of us, is an attempt to fill this void; We are each “coping,” in a sense, with living a broken existence, separated from God by evil—both around us and inside of us. We each cope in our own way: some with benign outlets such as working, studying, family, or creativity, and others with more self-destructive activities such as alcohol abuse or compulsive gambling.
But Jesus proclaimed there is no way to quench the thirst inside us for peace, no way to properly “cope” with living this broken existence but one:
Knowing Him.
Perhaps an incomplete diagnosis of the problem has left us emphasizing the symptoms. Perhaps labeling those caught in a destructive cycle as addicts neglects the fact that we all have the same need: to find our soul’s satisfaction in God alone. And maybe this has made recovery more difficult in the process.
C.S. Lewis wrote, “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”
Perhaps addiction, then, in light of this, is a symptom of every person’s need for spiritual renewal. Maybe recovery, then, is more than just the elimination of our deadly habits, but the reconciliation of our souls with our creator. In this sense, perhaps we are all addicts in need of recovery, afflicted with the disease of sin. And if so, we must look at the prevalence of addiction in our culture as a signpost for the spiritual bankruptcy of our society, the need for a return to faith.
If you find yourself feeling empty, depressed, or alone this holiday season, perhaps instead of running from those emotions, it is time to sit in them. If your wounds are reopened at the sound of carols or the smell of pine, instead of running to your deadly habits, listen to the cry of your heart.
The fact that there is a void inside should remind us why the holiday exists. It is a celebration of His entrance into our world, of His desire to bring us back to Him, and most importantly, of His desire to heal our pain and make us whole again.
And in this realization, it is possible that true, lasting recovery can be found.
I thought it would be cool to share some thoughts on my readings on a more consistent basis here.
Keep deception and [a]lies far from me, Give me neither poverty nor riches; Feed me with the food that is my portion, That I not be full and deny You and say, “Who is the LORD?” Or that I not be in want and steal, And profane the name of my God.
Proverbs 30:8-9 NASB
We cannot be consumed with the future because the future is not guaranteed. And even if it is, our time on earth is so, so short. We are to ask for our DAILY bread, and to focus on the now, because the future is in God’s hands. This is comforting to me because, lately, I spend so much time thinking about the variables which lie ahead – How will I be provided for ten years from now? What will I do? Where will I live?
All we can do is make a list of the ways we are blessed and provided for today. All I can do is reflect on the divine provisions I have been given right now, and it will force me to acknowledge that Jesus is real, he is here, and he cares for me.
The reason why he says give us this day our DAILY bread is because if we have enough—not too little or much, as Solomon put it in Ecclesiastes—we will neither become complacent, nor will we starve. Our only recourse is to be thankful for what we have today and rely on God for what will come in the next 24 hours. In the meantime, we commit fully to our work and seek Him with all our might.
This is a life of success, achievement, and most of all, peace.
I would love to hear your feedback below. Check back regularly for more…
I shot a Desert Eagle for the first time not long ago. I am not going to lie–it was nothing short of freaking AWESOME. At .50 caliber, it’s one of the most powerful handguns around. Just handling it, unloaded, is an experience that inspires awe…the weight, the feel, the potency. I was actually just a tiny bit nervous to shoot it because they have been known to tear fingers off, if handled incorrectly while firing.
So there I was, holding the unloaded “king bird” in my hands, when I was handed a full clip. My heart raced as I locked in the rounds and cocked it. Then, I looked down the laser scope at my target–a suspended clay pigeon thirty yards away. I made sure my grip was firm. I held my breath as I eased my index finger toward my palm, preparing for a loud crack, and…
BOOOM!
It was so much more powerful than I expected. As the gun exploded, my arms lurched upward. My whole body tilted, threatening to topple. If I hadn’t been gripping the gun so tightly, it would have rocketed out of my hands and flown twenty yards behind me. The world fell silent, as the shot echoed into the forest around me. It was deafening. It was the loudest noise I had ever heard in my entire life. And it was completely, utterly amazing.
As I fired off more rounds, I felt power surge through my veins. And I couldn’t help thinking…If this gun was fired at a human, how devastating would it be? It wouldn’t just leave a hole. It would leave a flesh crater. The picture of this only increased my fear, awe, and respect for the violent machine I held in my hand. I thought to myself, this gun is deadly.
But then, a random quote popped in my head for some reason. It’s a stupid quote, and one that I had dismissed the countless times I had seen it on bumper stickers and t-shirts. Nevertheless is was appropriate:
“Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.”
As I fired off my last round and glanced down at the Eagle, the quote kept repeating inside my head, blipping like a neon sign. And at that moment, another thought occurred to me: If I don’t chamber a round, aim, and pull the trigger, this hand-held cannon is nothing more than a benign piece of metal.
It was then that I realized that this cheesy slogan applied to another, parallel concept in the lives of many us:
Destructive habits. Addictions. The cycle of repeated sin.
Here’s how:
I can’t tell you how many people I have met and spoken to over the last few years who have some sort of dealing with habitual vice. Whether it is porn, substance abuse, or some other compulsion, addiction is a virtual epidemic in western culture today. A parade of TV shows, radio programs, books, blogs, websites, and movements are dedicated to dealing with this issue because it is such a common dilemma.
And for every individual story I hear—whether face to face or in the media—there is usually a relapse scenario associated with the person in question. It seems many of us are still searching for a way to solve the addiction riddle, many times to no avail.
I believe the reason for this is because most fail to acknowledge that addiction, while deadly, is just a symptom of a deeper spiritual sickness. In other words, the habit itself is not the problem, but rather the problem lies further beneath the surface.
I don’t want to trivialize anyone’s particular situation with the words that follow. I understand how difficult addictions can be. And I am not a licensed counselor, pastor, or doctor, so I am not making any sort of professional diagnosis here.
However, I firmly believe (from my own battles with deadly habits, along with countless encounters with others who have had problems in this area) the following: except in extreme cases of chemical dependency, most stay in their cycles of destruction because they cannot forgive themselves, and thus cannot find the forgiveness of God.
Here is what I mean: We feel guilty when we give in. Then we believe we are unforgivable and unlovable. Because of this, we give in to hopelessness, which keeps us repeating the same routine. These habits, therefore, are like guns…and when we continue to load the chamber with the ammo of shame and hopelessness the habits are bound to continue to be deadly.
But the truth is, vices are have little power in and of themselves without these bullets.
And the fact is, no matter what you are caught up in, you are not alone. There are probably many people around you who are dealing with similar issues, even if you don’t know it. And many times, the most difficult part of breaking these cycles is not in saying “no” to our demons, but in letting ourselves off the hook. This is where another, opposite, but equally powerful concept comes into play:
Repentance.
When we repent, we aren’t just saying, “I won’t do that again.” It is much deeper than simply promising to resist. It is first and foremost an acknowledgement of your own humanity, your own propensity to fall short. This admittance, while humbling, is also nothing short of liberating. When you realize you fell not because you are worthless or a failure, but because you are genetically prone to rebellion, you also begin to realize that you cannot conquer your vices by your own strength. And in this sense, we are all “addicts” in so far as we are all addicted to rebellion against our creator, and we will all “relapse” into sin again at some point.
Isn’t it freeing to know that we are all in the same boat? That, in and of itself, should begin to loosen the grips of destructive habits on your soul.
Upon internalizing these truths, it is then possible to forgive yourself, to let go of shame, and then truly rest in God’s forgiveness. And when we rest in God’s forgiveness, his Spirit enters us, and gives us His power—supernaturally—to say “no.”
This is, as Aslan proclaimed in The Chronicles of Narnia, “The Deep Magic.” It is beyond human comprehension, or logic, to explain the power that God has over our weaknesses through forgiveness.
Understand that repentance is the great disarmer to your vices. When loaded into the chamber of the sinful habits of our past, it transforms seemingly dangerous weapons into cartoon pistols which shoot nothing but paper signs which read, “bang!”
When you repent, you invite God’s spirit into the situation. He gives you the power to say “no.” Repentance, then, is a decision that is backed the almighty himself, who then enters our hearts and transforms our desires. But this cannot happen if we do not first learn to forgive ourselves.
If you can forgive yourself, I believe it is possible to heal from any habit.
So the next time you see a gun—or better yet, some dude in the midwest wearing a “Guns don’t kill people…” shirt, remember this:
Addictions don’t kill people. People kill themselves when they fail to forgive themselves then repent.
I’m not going to lie. I was a serious force in little league baseball in fourth grade. In my first year I made the all-star team, and had the best batting average on my team. And when the season concluded (with a decent all-star game performance, I might add), I was poised–in my own mind, at least–for a serious run at a major league career.
Until…
One afternoon during the summer after that first season, my dad and I were playing catch in the back yard, like we had countless times before. But early in our sesh, as I threw the ball to my dad, I became distracted by my dog, which was barking wildly at a snake or some other small creature in the grass. I turned my head to see what going on as the ball was in mid-air, travling to him. I kept investigating my dog for a moment, assuming that my dad would wait until I made eye contact with him again before he threw the ball back to me. But then I heard my name being shouted, and as I turned back to him, the ball was already in the air. I raised my glove…
But it was too late.
Then, I heard an earth-pummeling, skull-crunching, galaxy-devastating, nuclear-blast-of-an- explosion on the upper right region/area/locale of my face. More specifically, the baseball had collided with my right eye, and the world had gone black. It was .23 seconds later that I set the US decibel record for loudest blood-curdling wail by a human.
Getting hit by a baseball in the eye–even a lightly thrown one–is sort of indescribable. Imagine the sound of a wrecking ball smashing into a steel building, combined with the sound of an airplane engine being amplified through the PA system at Yankee stadium inside your head at the same instant. Then, imagine your head sitting between a head-on collision of two half-ton pickups who are speeding at one another at eighty-eight miles per hour.
That’s right, eighty-eight miles per hour.
Ok, I exaggerate. But not by much. It truly sucked, and it was quite painful.
As I wailed and scared the living excrement out of every living human within three counties, my dad rushed me into the house to get some ice. But instead, he decided to grab a hunk of raw meat from the freezer and slap it on the side of my face. This sent aftershocks of the pain radiating down the whole right side of my body. I let out another scream as he did so.
My eye swelled shut in a matter of seconds. The pain would not subside for hours. It would be two weeks before the enormous shiner was completely gone.
Though the damage to my face was considerable, the greater damage was done to my baseball mojo. It took me over a month to work up the courage to even pick up my mitt after that.
When my dad finally convinced me to get back on the field, I was more than a little gunshy. We started with batting practice. When he threw the first pitch I flew backwards, launching myself five feet from the plate to avoid the ball. All I could hear in my head was that horrendous crunching sound, and all I could see was the flash when the lights when out.
This was bad. Real bad. Baseball season was approaching. I was moving up to a higher league where everything would be faster and harder than before. All I could see in my future was the potential for another smash in the face…
How was I going to make it through the season, let alone play well?
We all have disappointing experiences in our pasts. Accidents, mistakes, poor decisions, mean acts from mean people to nice ones. And as we look to the what’s ahead, the voices from the past show up and threaten our perspective about the future, causing fear, doubt, and anxiety. They say things like these:
What if I shouldn’t have broken up with him/her?
What if we lose this house because we got an interest-only loan?
What if the person I marry ends up treating me bad, just like my parents did?
What if that dude I pantsed in junior high finds out where I live?
What if I should have been a carpenter instead of a Christian hip-hop artist?
What if I paid too much for my car insurance?
What if, by repeatedly avoiding the census takers at my door I am actually placing myself on a secret FBI list that will one day result in my being sent up the river to a special prison where they force us to watch only the Bravo network and more specifically the real housewives of Orange County, New Jersey, Atlanta, and New York on infinte repeat?
What if God doesn’t protect me in the future?
And as fear lays itself on thick, our attempts to alleviate our worry as a result are strained and difficult. Because bad things have happened in the past, more bad things must be coming. This hinders our peace, as well as our joy in the present. We stop living because our histories are haunting us, and we will do anything to avoid more pain.
But consider this, if you are dealing with anxiety about what lies ahead:
Fear of the future usually comes from an incorrect view of the past.
Remember, we all make stupid decisions. Disappointments are a part of life. Maybe we trusted the wrong person and get burned. Maybe a family member treated us poorly when we were growing up. Or perhaps we thought there wouldn’t be a cop looming under that overpass while we were doing 95. We let the big one get away. We decided to pursue Christian hip-hop instead of carpentry. But does any of this really mean our future will look the same as our past? Are we doomed to repeat history?
No. We are not.
As it turns out, we are in complete control of our pasts. Unfortunately, we can’t change it, but we can use it in any way we please. We can either use it to justify the fear of the future, or we can use it as a learning tool. Ironically, If we see the past as a reason to be afraid, we are more likely to make similar mistakes. This is a victim-like response that is passive and counter-productive. But if we choose to learn we are making a choice to take action. And in this way a troubled past becomes an ally, an insurance policy which will actually give us the best chance for a different future.
To learn from the past is to grow in faith and wisdom.
The conclusion? You need not worry. The past does not dictate the future. And wisdom gained from learning from past experiences actually makes it is easier to trust God with our futures. A wise man learns from both his missteps and his bad experiences to become a more righteous person.
This discussion brings a famous poem to mind. Many of you have heard this before, but now may be a good time for a refresher:
I was regretting the past
and fearing the future.
Suddenly my Lord was speaking:
“My name is I AM”
He paused.
I waited. He continued,
“When you live in the past
with its mistakes and regrets,
it is hard. I am not there.
My name is not I WAS.
When you live in the future,
with its problems and fears,
it is hard. I am not there.
My name is not I WILL BE.
When you live in this moment
it is not hard. I am here,
My name is I AM.”
-Helen Mallicoat
Incidentally, I played poorly for the first part of that baseball season, because I couldn’t get that image of being blasted in the eye out my head. It took some serious soul-searching, but I finally forced myself to stay in the batters box one game about half way through our schedule. And wouldn’t you know it? I went 3-4 that game with two doubles and three RBIs. But it wasn’t until I convinced myself that the past didn’t have to be the future that I was able to play up to my capabilities.
I was watching one of my all-time favorite films the other day (High Fidelity) and there was a scene that hit me hard.* It was the scene when, in the midst of his life spiraling into chaos, the main protagonist decides to reorganize his record collection.
Rob (played by John Cusack), having just broken up with his longtime girlfriend, begins to put these thousands of vinyl records not in alphabetical or chronological order, but in autobiographical order. When asked by one of his friends why he was doing this, he simply replied because it was…comforting.
I pushed stop on the film immediately. For some reason, the idea of reorganizing my music did sound very comforting to me at that moment. Not because my life was in any way chaotic, or anything remotely tragic had happened, but, to be honest, I wanted to take on this project because I was…bored.
So I started taking cds off the shelves in my office and going through each one, updating my digital archive in iTunes. And as I did, something curious began to happen…
Now, before I go further I need to tell you a few things about my music collecting philosophy. First, I am not the typical music snob that acquires records just because someone tells me this band or that record is cool to own. In my opinion those types are not music fans, but people who like using music a means to sound intelligent and elitist. No, I am the type of music snob that only listens to music that I connect with deeply. I am what you would call an emotional music purist. I like what I like, and I have an intense personal connection with the music I choose to acquire. I prefer quality over quantity. What this means is that not only do I have a more difficult time finding music I love than most people, but I have a smaller collection because of it.
This also means I am prone to having droughts where I do not find records I love for weeks, or even months, at a time. And this particular chapter in my life has been one of the most dry yet. Perhaps my subconscious was pushing me to the great music reorganization of 2010 for this reason.
Now, if you know anything about me you know that I don’t do many things half-way. If I am into something I am really into it. And if I decide I am passionate about an activity I give it my all, or I don’t do it at all.
My wife calls this obsession.
I call it being awesome.
So, naturally, about three hours into my reorganization, I began shutting myself off from the rest of the natural world. I quickly forgot about things like food, water, and human contact in my catharsis. Stacks of cds surrounded me in all directions as my mind raced and catalogued. I was creating a master digital archive on my external hard drive so that in the event of loss, crash, or natural disaster I would have all of my music backed up…every last song, every last note. The more seconds passed, the more I became consumed and convinced that I was partaking on a mission of utmost significance.
It was about this time my wife asked me if I was feeling ok. Apparently, she had been trying to speak to me for the better part of an hour and I had been ignoring her. I just looked at her like she, not I, was the one who was nuts. Frustrated and confused, she asked me a second question–one that proved to be profound:
“Why are you doing this?” she asked.
I didn’t have an answer immediately. I didn’t say anything, in fact. Instead, I just kept pouring myself completely into the task before me. So she left me to my compulsion. But her words kept playing in my head.
Why AM I doing this?
That was when I found a dusty cd on the shelf that I had neither listened to nor glanced at for years, Aimee Mann’s Lost In Space. The packaging is unbelievable. And the lyrics are astounding. How had I forgotten about this one? Then I found Super Black Market Clash. It has deep cuts from my favorite band of all time, and stories behind the songs in the liner notes. Stoked!
And then the flood gates opened. I began rediscovering tons of music–genius music–that I had not delved into for ages. My reorganization quickly evolved into a listening party, a celebration of all these great creations that had been sitting next to me for years, collecting dust. It was beautiful. It was inspiring. And it was highly educational.
I felt more alive, more in love with music than I had been for as long as I can remember.
But then, all of a sudden, I heard a still, small voice in my head, speaking to me about a more profound truth:
Sometimes the key to passion doesn’t lie in finding new truths but in reminders of old ones.
And somehow the trivial activity before me had become a spiritual metaphor.
Do you ever feel bored and stale spiritually? Of course you do. We all do. Many of you reading this probably feel that way at this very moment.
Many times we think the solution to the dryness is usually to inject some sort of “new” into our routine–a Rob Bell book purchase, a visit to that happening church every one is talking about, a new small group, or a ticket to a men’s retreat. We are convinced that the key to keeping our passion alive is to continually ensure that there is enough fresh, contemporary spiritual stimuli flowing through the veins of our souls.
But rediscovering my old Clash and Quicksand records taught me something: Many times we think we need something brand new to re-awaken our first love, when perhaps all we need is a reminder. Maybe we just need to stop forgetting what we already know to be true.
Dear friends, I am not writing you a new command but an old one, which you have had since the beginning. This old command is the message you have heard. – 1 John 2:7
So, here are a few reminders that will bring life to you if you are feeling dead:
*God’s love is unconditional, and his forgiveness is larger than any crime you have ever committed.
*If you will stand up for Him before men, Jesus will stand of up for you before the father in heaven.
*Eternal life is real and available at this moment.
*The past is dead, but you are alive in faith.
*There is no greater peace to be found in life than intimacy with your creator.
I am not yet finished with my record reorganization, so I am going to get back to it. I just wanted to take a little break and give you a blog…
Do you feel just a little more alive now?
*Incidentally, as good as this movie is, the book is many times better. I guess this is true for most films based on books. But trust me, this is one book you must read, if you even remotely enjoyed the flick. Just my opinion.
I read something the other day that had more than a small impact on me.
It said simply, resentment is the assassin of the soul.
I didn’t agree initially. I reasoned that every single one of us has people we have a hard time forgiving. And most of us have enemies, or at least people we view as threats. I think we have all heard the scriptures about loving your enemies and turning the other cheek, but when it comes down to living this way, it just seems…impossible.
To be honest, I have glossed over these verses for years.
It never occurred to me that forgiveness is not just for the person who has committed the wrong.
I read this on an airplane (Why is it I have my clearest thoughts on planes? Does this happen to you too?), and the flight was long so I had plenty of time to contemplate it. Is resentment destroying me from the inside out? Is my anger towards others–my feelings of being cheated or ripped off–dictating my decisions, feeding on my heart? Had I been damaged by something so subtly throughout my days that I had not even been slightly aware of it?
I decided to begin taking an inventory. I started thinking about people who had wronged me over the years. I started focusing on events, replaying them in my mind. I reflected on how I felt about these events and people and relationships. And something strange began to happen.
I began to realize that although I don’t walk around screaming in anger at strangers (well, at least when it isn’t planned for the sake of a show onstage), I am harboring much more bitterness than I realized. There are many people I have not forgiven for what they have done to me. And I have made many a decision out of anger, out of wounded-ness, than I previously had been willing to admit to myself. I pictured the people who had wronged me and the resentment swelled, fresh.
In fact, I realized that this parasite had, in fact, been living in me. And it had been thriving.
But this was just the tip of the iceberg. It turned out I had been carrying weight of titanic proportions.
I started then to think about all the people I had wronged over the years. The list was long. Longer than I would be willing to admit in casual conversation. I began making a list of events and people again. And many of them were people I hadn’t seen in years. It was scary. And I began to feel sick at the thought that there were people out there who just might, when they recall me, have a fresh surge of strong negative emotion as well.
I was feeling very sick.
But maybe that was the answer…
To be honest, since I became I believer I have never really understood forgiveness. I have never really known how to do it or how to receive it. Maybe you are like me and you have a hard time with this concept as well. Oh, I say I forgive people when they ask for it. and I say I forgive myself when I make mistakes. And I say I have received forgiveness from God many times. But when I say those things there has been little heart behind it, little emotion. It’s like I am just reciting scripted lines.
Then it hit me: I feel sick because I am sick. I feel sick because I am sick.
I am carrying around with me a disease. A real, true, living spiritual disease. And every time I act out in selfishness against someone else I am manifesting this disease. We refuse to accept this most of the time. It isn’t until we realize there are people out there who are angry with us for what we have done to them that we begin to realize who we really are. There is something sobering about realizing you have transacted sin. That you have altered someone else’s life through your actions in a negative way. And all you want in the whole world is to know that person forgives you.
I have a disease, an addiction. It is sin. Selfishness. The opposite of love. And I need forgiveness to live, to move forward, to not rot away inside little by little.
I thought about my sickness more. I began a new, slow journey with my creator. A trip to the center of my being, to get to the core of who I am, so that heaven can have its way with me. And in order for Him to have his way with me I had to let him into the deepest places. And my core is ugly.
I thought further. I realized that I am not the only one who is sick. In fact, every person who had ever wronged me was sick too. Maybe they weren’t totally aware of it. Maybe they were completely unaware. But every act of evil perpetrated against me was an acting out of sickness.
And I began to understand forgiveness, for the first time.
When someone hurts us, we want to blame them, we want to hold onto what they have done to us. We want to make them pay. But ultimately, they are just acting out the wounds that they have been inflicted with, just like we do. They are acting out their pain, their disease. Their genetic predisposition toward selfishness, triggered by other people harming them.
When you see that the playing field is even, it makes it a lot easier to forgive others. And a lot easier to ask and receive forgiveness ourselves. Only then will we stop acting out of our disease and begin acting out of love. And when you realize you, yourself have guilt over the things you have done, the need for forgiveness takes on a whole new meaning.
I need forgiveness to truly live.
Try this exercise when you have some time alone. See what you uncover. I am not promising everything will be perfect immediately, but you will feel the weight lift, little by little.
I need a new jacket. It’s freezing outside and I am shivering. So I head out to Urban Outfitters to see if I can find a good one. I walk into the store. Scene kids and style demagogues abound. I find the men’s section and begin to try on the jackets. I ask myself, Which one defines me? Which one will fit me like a glove? Which one will send the message to the world I am looking for about myself? I move from jacket to jacket, but none seem to fit quite right. Should I settle for one that does not define me perfectly, one that does not enhance my persona in direct proportion to my dollars spent?
Then, a familiar voice interrupts my search.
“Hey man, long time, no see!” the voice says to me.
It’s a friend from my former church, one I haven’t seen in nearly a decade. This is the same church I left when a majority of the leadership fell into various forms of scandal.
“Hey man! What’s up?” I exclaim. I am genuinely excited to see this long-lost face.
“What have you been up to lately?” He asks me.
“Lots of travel, writing, music, etc. The usual. You?”
“Working, spending time with family.”
“Great man, it’s so good to see you. Have you been going to church?”
“You know, I have really had a hard time finding one that fits me. I was going to Blahblahwhatshisface’s church for awhile but the pastor kind of bored me. And the worship director got fired for some shady activity. The new worship is kind of lame, now. I don’t know. I try to get plugged into places but it just doesn’t ever feel quite right to me. Do you know what I mean?”
“I definitely know what you mean…” I respond.
We say our goodbyes, and I go back to shopping for the jacket that will define me completely as a 21st century human male, pondering the conversation I just had. But I don’t find the perfect jacket, and I end up shivering outside on the walk back to my car.
I can’t help noticing the parallels between my search for a jacket and my never-ending, frustrating hunt for a church which will meet my spiritual needs; I usually end up feeling left out in the cold.
I can’t tell you how many times I speak with people who say they cannot find a place of fellowship, or say that they just left their old congregation for one reason or another, or say they are fed up with not being able “plug in” somewhere. And as the disappointments mount so does our disillusionment….
I left the church I was attending because the I didn’t like the pastor’s teaching style.
I left the church because the worship was lame.
I left the church because I couldn’t connect with people.
Still others hop and jump, trying on a different sanctuary every single week, only to find that each and every one is, sadly, far from what they are looking for. The numbers are staggering–thousands and thousands of believers in evangelical culture without a place they can call home, admitting that most weeks they would rather stay home for NFL football than attend a service that is…less than inspiring. But no matter the individual reason, at the core of our qualms with local churches is the same basic concern: we cannot seem to find a place that meets our individual “needs.” We cannot seem to find a place that offers genuine relationships with true brothers and sisters, while offering solid teaching, worship, and a children’s ministry.
Why is it so hard to find a home? Why do churches so often let us down?
There are answers to these questions, my friend. And I promise you the “right church for you” is right around the corner. It just isn’t going to look the way you think it will…
To better understand our difficulty in connecting with a particular congregation, we have to first understand the identity problems that the church, as a whole, is facing today (and by the church “as a whole” I mean the body of believers spread throughout the world, and in particular, western culture). And by identity crisis I mean this: There is more division between individual churches in the same denomination than perhaps any other point in history. Why?
Competition.
Fail to compete, and completely fail.
It’s simple capitalism, and it is the basis for our very existence in America. Supply and demand. A citizenry of purchasers and entrepreneurs and consumable goods is what dominates our lives in this country. We are consumers first, believers second. At least, that is the trend in general culture, along with christian culture as well. We lead lives that are fully customizable, from our twelve-pump, nonfat, no-foam, single-shot of sugar-free caramel lattes to our I-pod/DVD enhanced, four-screened, anti-lock braked, automated lumbar control, Saturn, Scion SUVs. We click a button and music plays, movies play, groceries are delivered to our doors. Church is too much like…work. And the thought of having to settle for one that doesn’t completely “fit” us? Ridiculous.
Stick with me here. There’s more.
So, as churches compete for the allegiance of an attention-deficited culture, we become programmed to treat fellowship like every other part of their lives: as fully customizable. And plainly put, most evangelical churches are about attracting people above all else. This means in order to be successful they have to be attractive. And they function more like a big business machine than an organic family. And the “successful” churches have gotten it down to a science: Here’s how:
1. Have a celebrity pastor who steers the ship. He must be a charismatic figure, yet possess the every-man quality. He must be a great speaker who entertains as well as he teaches. Me must be adept at the skill of storytelling, and must have some comedic skills. He must embody the face of a hero in some form.
2. Big-production, with contemporary, classic-rock influenced worship. This should also include a charismatic “frontman” for the band. If attendees do not desire to take part in worship, they can at least absorb some quality entertainment.
3. Catchy marketing, slogans, signs, decoration, and logos are a must! This includes everything from the decor in the lobby to the graphics on the bulletin.
4. The occasional Christian celebrity author/musician as a guest performer should become a monthly staple. This will attract “newcomers,” which are really just believers who might have gone somewhere else to church that Sunday.
5. A ministry for every demographic. Men’s group. Singles. Women’s group. College. High School. Junior high. Elementary. Pre-school. Bikers. Jocks. Dweebs. Burnouts. Cheerleaders. Or am I talking about the movie The Breakfast Club?
6. A youth program complete with a youth room that has fifteen thousand TV monitors and thirty-eight XBOX 360s, and a sound system that would raise Elvis. Must have a catchy name for the group like “The Happening” (yes, based on the movie!) or “The Haven” or “The Underground” (oooh…subversive!).
7. Varied services for individual taste. We have the rock worship service. We have traditional worship night. We have screamo worship Saturdays. We have no worship Thursdays. We have in-depth study
10 A.M. in the parking lot. We have the short message service for those with Restless Leg Syndrome. And don’t forget the 20-minute workout service, where everything just plays on a screen at double-speed. Twice the spiritual workout in half the time!
8. Hype your own church as the “place to be.” Subtly point out through media, announcements, and other outlets of communication that although people had many choices for church that Sunday they chose the “best” one. Make sure to hype your church as being on the forefront of Christian activity in your area.
And on and on and on. Why not just have a long list of check boxes on a computer screen for every person that walks through the door on Sunday, where every person fills out a survey, then the computer spits out a list of recommended activities, services, etc. Or maybe can just gives you a page that says in black block letters “YOU JUST WON’T FIT HERE, TRY THE CHURCH UP THE STREET.”
Now, I keed, I keed. But only a little. I know none of these “attraction elements” are inherently wrong in and of themselves, and most of them are inherently right for the most part. But I can’t help feeling the irony in the fact that as evangelical culture tries harder and harder to meet the individual needs of every consumer/believer possible, that most of us feel less and less like we are attending the gathering of the body of believers and more that we are attending a movie or a broadway show or a concert–perhaps all three rolled into one. Instead of bringing us together as a body, it feels like we are being pulled apart. We show up, put in our time, and leave with a seven-point list of things God wants to do for us this week. Then we drive home and forget about the whole thing. Or post it on the fridge. Or leave it in a heap of papers to gain dust. And though there are so many great people at church it is so difficult amidst all this to actually just make friends and develop real relationships.
All we really want is to have true connection with a group of believers. True fellowship. That is the purpose of church.
Now, I have a question or two of my own here:
What if the way to for a church to “meet our needs” was to go against the cultural trends of consumerism and competition?
What if we, as young churchgoers, are shopping, looking for all the wrong things for all the wrong reasons?
These are questions that are being asked not only by people like you and I, but prominent voices in the church as well. I was able to catch up with Mike Erre, speaking pastor of Rock Harbor Church in Costa Mesa, CA, and Ken Baugh, head pastor of Coast Hills Church in Aliso Viejo, CA recently. Both teach to a congregation numbering in the multi-thousands, whose demographics include a large percentage of young adults. Erre states the following regarding these issues:
“We have reduced the church to one, hour-and-a-half event per week; we have reduced the gospel to cater to felt needs and personal preferences; and we have reduced discipleship to optional private spiritual exercises…We are raised with so many options we are paralyzed by the possibility of something better…God/church simply gets added to the list of things we consume…the problem is that much of the ‘attractional’ church has fostered this understanding by catering to it…”
It’s comforting to know that some in places of higher leadership are acknowledging that these are big problems for each of us; without connection to a body, a group of communal support, our faith will be choked-off. The Christian faith is not a faith built for an isolated, loosely-connected network of introverts. We HAVE to be plugged in or we will die spiritually. So, talk of the acknowledgment of the dilemma is one thing. What is the church willing to do about it? Baugh has an interesting answer:
“I think that Sr. Leadership needs to continually make sure that young adults are allowed significant roles of responsibilities in the church. It’s interesting to me that in the United States military you will find young men and women put in charge of brigades and multimillion dollar equipment, yet rarely in our churches will you find them even allowed to do much more than help out with students or children ministries. I don’t think that young adults should serve as Elders because elders are called elders for a reason (they are old) but I do think we need to give them more and more responsibilities in key areas of decision-making and ministry.”
There is little doubt that by keeping young people on the sidelines and reducing them to observers of the spectacle that is a church entertainment service will do little to foster lasting, passionate disciples. Christ was not a teacher of the masses first and foremost. He was a healer and a disciple-maker, and a person who connected twelve individuals who became best friends. It is the church’s responsibility not only to teach, but to empower us to use our gifts–and provide the opportunities to do so as well.
But finding those opportunities–which are everywhere if we’ll look–is a responsibility that falls on us as individuals.
Baugh had this to say as well:
“I think the whole mindset of finding a church to ‘meet my needs’ is flawed. As believers, we are to be part of a local body of Christ to serve, fellowship, grow, and give to the ongoing work of the Great Commission. I think the question should be: ‘Where can I best become involved in a Bible teaching church where I can use my gifts and become part of a community that loves God and serves others?’”
Evangelical churches must understand that making the church relevant through trying to “meet people where they are” is a valid philosophy to attract numbers. But, it is a flawed approach when numbers become the end in and of itself. Relationships should take precedence over the spectacle. And Christians should not be viewed as marketing targets who are to be stolen from other congregations. And finally, churches must stop viewing other ministries as rivals. In short, tone down the bright lights, and turn up the message. Do anything and everything to put emphasis on community, rather than entertainment, rather than your particular church.
But we as individual “church shoppers” must realize there are problems with every single church. Let me repeat that: there are problems with every single church. There are lame people in every one. There is gossip in every one. There are weird, awkward people in every one. Pastors are going to screw up, the music might suck, and the greeter at the door might turn her nose up at you when you enter. When these things happen, remember that none of those things matter. Do not be distracted by these things. People are always going to be flawed. That’s why they need Christ. And you know what? You are there to bring more of Him to that place. You are there to give of yourself, to humble yourself, to make relationships with people you might not normally associate with for the sake of something greater than you.
Offer to apply for leadership. Offer to help with a mission trip. Go feed homeless people. If you go with intent to give of yourself in any and every way possible, I promise the sucky worship leader or the yawner sermons will not matter.
If we walk actively and raise our voices, we will connect. If we sit passively, expecting to be catered to, we will be left in the cold.
My stomach is empty, as is my fridge. It is very much time to make a trip to the grocery store. I grab my wife, wallet, and keys, and fly out the front door.
Minutes later, ravenous, I am scouring the aisles of Vons, piling sustenance into my cart, going for it. I have breads, cereals, meats, cheeses, puddings, pastas, frozen burritos, and produce. Kozy Shack, Life, Prego, Tillamook. Never grocery shop when you are hungry. Your savings will disappear at the checkout stand.
With a full cart (and then some) my wife and I exit the store. I am almost sprinting, ready to tear open a bag of Kettle Chips for the car ride home.
We frolic to the car and unload our groceries, caught up in the excitement of our forthcoming gluttonous feast. Then, we hop in and speed out of the parking lot. As we approach the first stoplight, we look to our left and notice a woman sitting on the median.
She is perched on an overturned shopping cart. She is dressed in tattered, mismatched clothing. Next to her is another cart filled with empty soda cans and plastic water bottles. Amidst the recyclables are several bags of belongings–socks, shirts, and small household items. Her face is sullen and vacant. She does not speak, but only looks up at us through weathered, distant eyes. The woman holds a sign:
Homeless. Need Help. God Bless.
The first wave of thought that comes over me is guilt: Here I am raiding Vons like a sultan and not thinking twice about it, yet this person doesn’t even have a roof over their head.
Then another thought enters my mind: What if this person is running a scam? What if she is just lazy or is an addict or has made decisions to put herself in this position? Without a doubt, there are those out there who would take advantage of a situation like this, using homelessness as a means to rip people off…
On the one hand, we know we are called to help the homeless, to give to those who are in need. Jesus was pretty clear on this. Nothing we have is our own. And everything we have been given is simply a tool to bless others, right?
But, how do we know what a homeless person is going to do with what we give them? After all, people become homeless for many different reasons. We all know the stories about the drug addicts, the drunks, and the criminals. But there are also those who, through no fault of their own, have run into economic problems–and the sad reality is that there are so many more people in this situation because of our economy. We know that some are homeless because they have chosen to be, because they refuse to get a job, or because they refuse to get help for their addictions. But there are also those who are the victims of mental illness, who cannot possibly change their position in life without outside help. There are scammers–people who do not get work because they are able to raise generous amounts of cash running street hustles. But there are also many, hard-working people out there who have been laid off and who are trying with all their might to find work for themselves…
I look at my wife, and I know that she is going through a similar debate inside of her. Is this a calculated attempt to capitalize on our guilt or a sincerely hurting person who desperately needs our assistance?
The light is about to turn green, and we have to make a quick decision.
We decide to keep our window rolled up and just head home.
During our ride, we deliberate over the situation, and it is a depth-filled conversation that lasts the rest of the evening.
I feel a vague sense of remorse for not giving anything to the woman. But then again, I recall times when I have been in similar situations, given the person some cash, then second guessed myself afterward.
What is the right thing to do?
These are legitimate questions, because in these times our hard-earned income does not last as long or go as far as it used to. The last thing we want to be doing is giving our money away to someone who is just going to buy alcohol or drugs or find a way to avoid finding work. Yet, we want to do what is right at the same time.
Look, I know that in many cases, giving food is a better alternative than giving money. But what if you are running late for an appointment, or you are at a stoplight?
Truth be told, many of us have a preconceived opinion of homeless people. We fear them, just as we distrust their motives. And we use this as an excuse–a justification–as to why we don’t do more for those in need around us.
But here is the burning question–does God want us to give without judging the ones we are giving to? If you are stopped at a light and someone passes you with a sign asking for change, is it better to give it to them, knowing they may use it for wrong, or is it better to just look the other way?
I took this situation as an opportunity to look in the mirror. Am I doing anything at all in my life to help those in need around me, in my immediate communities? If the answer is no, do I have an excuse?
It’s the holiday season, so naturally it is a time for thanks, a time for reminding ourselves how blessed we are. And it is also a time to give to others who are in need. But this year, why not take it one step further, and examine our motives as well as our understanding of the heart of Jesus? Why not take these questions as an opportunity to look, once again, at the stories we have in our Holy Book about’ Jesus’ interaction with the needy?
I did a search on Google today and typed in the phrase “God told me.” Here is what I got for the search results. This is not for the squeamish.
*An article about a murder suspect who may have killed his 5-year-old son because “god told him” to save him from the Antichrist.
*A story about a man in the eighteenth-century who “god told” to start a new religion based on the teaching of Jesus, transcribed from Egyptian hieroglyphics which would reveal another testament of Jesus Christ for America.
*A blog response to a confused and upset woman seeking advice regarding a weird man who approached her at church and said, “god told me you are my future wife.”
*A post about Pat Robertson (shocker!) claiming that God told him there would be a terrorist attack on US soil sometime in 2007 that would result in mass killing.
*An article about pastor from Texas whom god allegedly told to paddle-yes, I said paddle-eight adult women.
*A story about man from New Zealand who told authorities upon being captured that god told him to behead two women and shoot a man.
*An ironic bumper sticker/button for sale which simply reads “god told me to hate you.”
*An article about a man who stalked Jewel because “god told him to.”
There were many more, but these were the high(low) lights.
I learned a lot from this random search. In fact, it turned into a bit of an all-day study affair. And I found some good insight out there on the subject of God’s communication with us via prophetic words.
It’s no secret that there are countless numbers of people who are using God’s false endorsement as a means to manipulate people. But there are also many people who have had experiences with fulfilled prophetic words, and still others who are wrestling with a particular circumstance where they are awaiting for a word of direction from above.
But how do we know where God’s voice stops and our own voices begin?
As Christians, communication with (and from) God is definitely a part of our daily lives. But there is a big difference between feeling like God is moving you in a particular direction and claiming he is telling you something audibly.
For starters, here are some thoughts regarding this issue, from J. Michael Feazell, D. Min Azusa Pacific University:
1. When God spoke to people in the Bible, there was no question that it was a message from God. It usually was delivered in person by an angel, and it usually scared the chicken gravy out of the recipient of the message.
2. When God had to tell people what he wanted them to do, it was usually something they did not want to do.
3. Sometimes, our prayers for God’s blessing are really our prayers to get our own way despite what God thinks…
4. God is pretty clear about what he “tells” us to do: “The entire law is summed up in a single command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ” And for what it’s worth, we don’t have to go half way around the world to find our neighbors.
This are good general guidelines, but the Bible doesn’t tell us which path to take at each “fork” in the road of our lives. So this is where things get sketchy. In fact, It seems that most encounter “words” of this type; it is regarding life direction that we find the most prophetic activity in the church. Who am I supposed to marry? Where am I supposed to live? What am I supposed to do for a living?
Wouldn’t life be easy if God just opened the clouds and told us the answers to these questions every time we were stressed? But most times we don’t get an audible answer. Other times we receive the answer we want don’t want to hear, not through a “word” but through circumstances.
The fact is, we want to believe God is speaking many times when he isn’t. And our desire to hear Him speak allows us to be easily convinced by those who would use God to advance their own agendas. The next thing you know, a weird member of the opposite sex is coming up to you at church, claiming that you are “the one.” And it messes with our heads…Well, what if God is truly speaking?
When I think of someone who desperately needed an answer from God, I think of Paul. He had a mysterious thorn in his side, and he pleaded with heaven to take it away. What was the thorn? No one knows for sure. But what if it was loneliness? What if it was was fear? What if it was anxiety over a big decision? And what was God’s response? My Grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness.
Many times God doesn’t give us the clear responses we seek. Why? Because in the process of wrestling with the answers to our questions we become more like him. To God, the process is the outcome is the goal.
Consider these words from R.T. Kendall the next time you think God has spoken:
How do we misuse God’s name when we claim He told us something? With our intent. Most often we mention Him for one reason: to elevate our own credibility. It is not His name we are thinking of, it is our reputation. Adding the weight of God’s name to our words gives us authority and respectability. But the truth is, we’re not thinking of God’s name and glory when we do this—we’re thinking of our own.
Likewise, if I truly have a word from the Lord, I can say it without mentioning His holy name. It will speak for itself. And if people don’t recognize my authenticity because I don’t include God’s name, that is not my problem.
Or consider the words of Tim Miller:
One problem with any “God told me” statement is it becomes immediately divisive. Someone says that God told them that you’re not doing this or that right. Well, if you disagree then you are immediately placed in opposition to God; or at least that person’s view of what God’s will is.
The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 14 that prophecy is for the purpose of edification and instruction of the church, that it is to be orderly, subject to the group setting. If the “word” in question does not serve this purpose, and presented in the context of community, then be very, very careful. If there is division and confusion as the result of said “word” then the prognosis is probably not good. And if you are wondering about God’s will regarding a relationship, be patient. The answers will become clearer with time.
The conclusion I came to after reading about the topic (and considering the rash of false prophetic statements out there) is this: We should pray He gives us clear answers/direction for our lives. And if the answers are not clear, we should use our common sense, prayer, discernment, and good advice to make the best educated decision on a matter. Regardless of the outcome, God is most concerned about our character throughout any circumstance.
Now, let me say this, in conclusion: I do believe that God can speak to us. He can do anything He wants, of course. I just don’t think it’s nearly as often as people claim, as evidenced by all the misuse and failed prophetic claims.
If you feel like God is speaking something to you or through you, again, allow common sense/discernment to be our guide here: What do you lose when you hold back the phrase “God told me…” when sharing something that you are convinced is from above? Nothing. You lose nothing. Because if it is truly from God, the “thing” in question will happen anyway. What do you risk by saying “God told me…” when the clouds do not part, an angel does not appear, and you do not hear an audible voice (in other words, when all you are going on is a feeling)? A lot. You risk confusing other people. You risk embarrassing other people of faith. You risk looking foolish. Not to mention misrepresenting God himself, which, last time I checked, is bad.
And what if you think God may be speaking but you are not sure? Wait. Pray. Or try the honest approach and say, “I think God may be leading me in this direction. But I am testing it and continuing to get advice and counsel about it. I encourage you to do the same.” These are reasonable responses to your feeling or intuition which do not officially proclaim that God spoke.
And finally, what do you have to lose by questioning the person who is proclaiming “God told me…”? Nothing. Pray. Study. Get some good advice. You risk nothing when you use your God-given discernment and wait to see if the “thing” in question is really divinely inspired. There is no risk in questioning those who claim to have a word from God. The Bible tells us to test the spirits. And if the person in question has a problem with your doubt, chances are good that they are using God to manipulate you.
It seems to me the problem is not with the wackos who are running around claiming God said this and God said that. There will always be wolves and false prophets. The problem is with the people who believe them and who follow them.
Let’s push each other to question, test, and make educated decisions regarding these matters. That’s why prophecy is meant to be a communal exercise–so one man’s false or uninspired words cannot lead people astray.
We lose nothing by using discernment. And we just might avoid a lot of unnecessary pain…
